Lately, once again, I have been having anxiety. I believe it is due to the nightmare I had the other day (which I posted about). Apparently, according to my research online, my feelings are unique. So I alone can take credit for this neurosis (although I did read one article about a woman expressing my fears but along with a myriad of crazy others).
So, I have been feeling weird/scared/repulsed/strange at the baby moving inside me now. At first it was all very cute to feel him move (which he does often), but since my nightmare I have felt this abject feeling towards the little thing. I get into a panic and just want it out of me. The only way I can feel better is to firstly, think of it as the child I am having with my boyfriend (and not the alien fetus inside me), and also to just not think of it (avoiding sweet foods so he doesn't move as much). The other night he kept me up all night he was moving so much. I am trying to sleep and be in denial and all I feel are the little dings and bangs of who knows what in there!
My boyfriend had wise advice. But let me digress. My sister and I were emailing the other day, and she remarked that every baby needs to have a "womb name". Some cute and superfluous name. So she hereby named my baby, "Falafel". I love it. It cracks me up every time I say it. And to tell you the truth, he has Falafel tendencies: he is middle eastern, delicious and little. So, on with my story.
My boyfriend said to me when I was expressing this anxiety: Just remember, it's Falafel in there.
Those words eased my tension a lot.
Still, daily I am struggling with this. And it seems like I am alone. None of my friends seem to have experienced this during pregnancy. I think a part of my anxiety is that currently I have too much time on my hands to be aware of every little nuance of my body. I have always been hyper aware of my body and all that goes on so this is like the absolute condition. Something is alive inside of me. OK, doesn't this freak ANYONE out?
Falfafel. Just think Falafel.
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ok - so i have to stop you and say you are not alone in this! the nightmares were part of the deal with my pregnancy at one point and the anxiety i have just learned to live with....not only are your dreams more vivid now during pregnancy, but it seems perfectly normal that it would become an extension of all that anxiety that you have especially due to the fact that you get to dwell on it : >
ReplyDeletei had tons of very anxious scary dreams about the baby, some more realistic and some more in the alien taking over the world kind. One of the smartest thing i read somewhere is some stupid pregnancy book was that just because i dreamt it doesn't mean that it is true (even if in my head i am positive that i have some sort of sixth sense and can predict the future...)
also in regard to the thing that is alive in you? my way of dealing with it is not to really think about it all and imagine i have tons of gas. If i actually stopped to think about the craziness that is this child in me i might not be able to function every day. That is until the past few weeks, since i am now basically full term, i am starting to get nervous when i dont feel her. It is a different feeling then when they first start to move, no more tumbling inside you, she has no room for that now. it is actually even more alien like then you could ever imagine
ReplyDeletelastly - my baby's womb name is Stacy.
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