Ina May Gaskin

I have spent the last few days reading a book called "Ina May's Guide to Childbirth" and I have to say, it is truly inspiring. All these women speak of birth being "orgasmic" and "spiritual" and none of them tear or injure themselves in any serious way. It has led me to think a lot about how I would like to give birth. It also makes me realize that we come to birth with a whole set of languages and assumptions and cultural heaviness that it is hard to see the wood for the trees.

For me, labor and delivery is about the bright lights of hospital, sudden C-sections, epidurals, shaking, pain, fear, and being totally disempowered. I have taken this to be what happens and what will happen to me. Interestingly, I actually know for a fact- having witnessed it- that natural childbirth can be relatively seamless. My friend that I watched giving birth did so in a dim lit room with an oil burner and it was quiet and fast. I remember she just yelled once (when the head was crowning) and that's it. So, contrary to most of my other friends' stories, this one was unique.

And that's just it. That birth was the only birth I have ever heard of that was not complicated and set in a hospital (it was in a birthing center next to the hospital). I hate hospitals. Just going to a hospital scares me without even the thought of having to give birth in one. I hate the way doctors treat a person. I hate the de-humanization process that takes place.

And so that's why this book has been so interesting to me. Birth as a spiritual experience? Can it be done? Can I do it? I don't know if I have the strength. On the one hand, I want to make this experience a deep one. I want my son's life to begin in a positive way. On the other hand, as I have mentioned before, I am an advocate for taking medication when I am in pain. To a degree however. I have had success with Chinese medicine and acupuncture. I have increased my immune system with herbs, healthy eating and yoga. I have tried to take an alternative approach generally. So, maybe it is possible?

I believe mainly it is the fear that gets in the way. Fear of the unknown. I am not really scared of the pain per se, I am scared of the baby being in a position where it is not safe. I believe that the pain is temporary and somehow giving birth is a singularly temporary experience. That said, I cannot predict how I will encounter pain.

Last night I felt a short, stabbing pain which I sometimes feel. It is said to be round ligament pain. My ovaries stretching to accommodate the little one. However, I thought to myself last night, wow, if this is anything similar to the type of pain in childbirth then this is going to hurt! A lot!

I don't know. I really don't...