Dream monologue

Last night I had one of those long dreams that seem to continue like an epic adventure. This dream was about my baby. It was probably one of the first I have had like it. Yesterday (whilst consuming a hamburger my boyfriend and I ordered in), we watched (in keeping with the trashy food), a terrible show called "Against All Odds" where they showed babies being born in crazy circumstances- one of them being a woman in a coma giving birth in the coma. I guess I appropriated this image for my dream and in a matter of a dream hour I effortlessly gave birth to my boy. In the dream everyone kept asking me if I had given birth and I was like, "yeah, no problem".

So, then I am with this dark-haired baby (of course in my dream he looks like me and not my boyfriend- in real life I kind of want him to look like my boyfriend). And this baby is divine. I just want to smell him and hold him and watch him sleep. And then I breast feed him (with absolute ease of course in the dream) and I am overwhelmed with how much I love him.

That said: no dream is just a dream and it had an edge of nightmare when for the rest of the night I somehow couldn't get back to feed him and so was in a state of panic. However, once returned to feed him, the ease and love would return. I guess that is what being a parent is about- that mixed feeling of love and anxiety.

That was my night. I believe that part of the dream was initiated by the fact that I have been feeling him move quite a bit the last two days. The movements are only felt on the inside like flutters and soft beats, but they are unmistakable. I believe the other part of the dream was initiated by the fact that an old mentor of mine emailed me yesterday (after I emailed him about the pregnancy), and he said that he could see me really enjoying this "production" of my own and he remembered me making a book for his little boy back when I looked after him occasionally. I do not remember this, but know I have always been a huge, huge fan of children. Somehow I keep overlooking the fact that I am going to be in seventh heaven with one of my own. It doesn't seem like the story fits...

So, now after my morning coffee I am waking up to the fact that this may actually be exactly what the doctor ordered.

One cute baby I can love as much as I want.