Tank tops

Lately, I have just been feeling anxious. I am always worried about the little one's movements. Is he moving enough? I have a second anatomy scan this week and really looking forward to it.

This whole process is really anxiety-provoking. Not only am I contending with the daily tracking of his health and mine, but I am still worried about how the birth will go. My boyfriend and I are looking at a natural birthing center this week. It is attached to a hospital however, which brings some relief. I spoke to another woman yesterday about her story and about how the complications meant a c-section for her...

And, while I do not like to admit my failings, I spent half the day the other day watching an MTV series called "!6 and Pregnant" on my computer. I watched six births and all of the young mothers looked like they were in agony until the moment they received the epidural and then they were all happy and joking and while it looked uncomfortable while they pushed, it didn't look painful. Most women who have had children kind of laugh when I say I may try the "natural" version and most like to inform me that even when they have a high threshold to pain, it still was too painful to go sans epidural.

So, I am feeling a little confused about it.

But mostly these days just anxiety. My mother sent me my very first present for the baby. Little tank tops from my favorite Australian cotton brand, Bonds. They are the cutest thing I have ever seen and it was quite surreal to think they will actually be used (I hope) one day. I have them by my bed. I can't quite put them away just yet. I just like looking at them for now... But with their arrival comes a new anxiety that is about the desire for everything to go well. The stakes get higher every day.

Now I want him. I want to see him in the little tank top.