Dreams

So, welcome. Welcome to anxiety, my newish friend. I have now entered a new pregnancy phase. Anxiety. It isn't really focused on anything in particular, but generally around the birth and the bizarre fact that I will be having a baby.

Last night I had a dream I was in a baby store buying a glass for my baby (lord knows why a baby would ever need a glass?) and I am holding it in my hand when the store person grabs it out of my hand and gives it to someone else. I am in shock and start saying that I had the glass first and it was for my baby and she said, well, I gave it to this woman and there is another store (which was miles away in the dream) I can get another glass in. But, I was so angry! And I started crying and shouting, no, I had the glass first!

It was not a good dream and perhaps a reflection of my anxious state of mind.

So, here he is. Inside still. Figuring out in his own time when that symbiotic dance of childbirth will begin. I have five weeks to go in an ideal world. I am 35 weeks today. It seems so tenuous this process. So riddled with complication. And the promise of pain so fruitful.

And I have no control over what will happen. None.