Closer

The other day me and my guy went to check out a hospital. It had two natural birthing rooms which I wanted to see specifically. The room itself was great. Clean and comfortable and with an adjoining bath and shower. I could see myself getting comfortable in the room. Unfortunately, the rest of the hospital wasn't so great. It seemed rather drab and a little weird to me. But then, I think all hospitals are weird. It was a strange experience. It is strange for me to think of giving birth in a hospital. It doesn't seem intuitive. Like, I should be giving birth in my bed. Or at home at the very least. Like somehow it is just some big, bad terrifying menstrual period and I should just be where I feel comfortable.

But, no. The hospital is where I will go for my first child. We are seeing another one on Friday.

All getting stranger and stranger. It's like, really? You mean I really have to get this thing out? And the bigger he gets (and the more painful his movements are), the more I freak out at this prospect.

Now his room is organized and my hospital bag packed. It seems out of character to me for me to be this organized in advance, however it gives me some peace, some sense of control. Now, at the first sign of labor, I can sink into it knowing that I have prepared and there is order to my life and to his first entry into the world.

Of course, the more I know, the less I know, and

anything

can

happen....