This illness/Body break down

I am four months and two weeks pregnant. I should be feeling less sick and have more energy. Most of my friends have told me that around this time, one day they wake up, and they have their energy back.

I want this.

I have been exhausted and sick since I became pregnant. It feels like I am in some old Victorian novel and suffering from "influenza" and some old doctor should be by my side cupping my back with glass cups and serving me hot tea. This "illness" is dragging on. And, I am losing patience.

When I first became pregnant I was tired in a way I had never been before. I would go visit people with my boyfriend and have to ask to sleep on their couch (in the middle of the day). It was weird. Then the singular exhaustion turned to nausea mixed with a side of exhaustion. And it has continued that way from then on. I have operated for four months and two weeks at this base level of existence. I am frustrated. I want the "old" me (I fear she is gone forever).

But today I am pondering the drama of it all. The fact that my body is so radically adjusting and creating that I am zapped of all psychic libido. My body is a unit existing entirely for the creation of a baby right now. My outer layer of skin and bones and blood and subjectivity has to just sit by the side lines and wait it out.