A couple of days ago I had to have an Amniocentises performed. Actually, according to earlier test results we were effectively in the clear, but we wanted this extra test. In any event, during the procedure the doctor uses an ultra sound to check that the needle doesn't go too close to the baby. As soon as the ultra sound showed the baby, my boyfriend and I were convinced he waved to us! And it was a moment where I felt connected.
After spending 48 hours resting after the procedure something seems to have altered. I somehow feel more connected. I think perhaps I was waiting for this procedure as a bench mark. Like if I crossed that threshold then from that point on, maybe it was the real thing. Of course there is never a moment where you can truly rest during this pregnancy. I am always paranoid. How do I know he is alive in there? Is this feeling normal? Is that feeling normal?
Today I feel sick. This second trimester energy burst has not hit me. And I have spent the last hour looking at baby clothes online (http://www.bonds.com.au/bumpsandbaby/). Now, looking at cute baby clothes makes me feel more attached. Maybe one day soon I am going to have a little being that wears these clothes? One of my best friends sent me a photo of her new baby boy in a tiny tank top and that moment of seeing him made me love him and made me love my baby. Maybe it's just the child in me wanting to play dress ups, but I also think it is the first sensation of connectedness weaving its way into my psyche...
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